Listen Here (4 mins. 27 seconds)
Well, I can tell you now that I would have been voted most likely to have kids when I was in high school.
I mean, I LOVED kids!
I became an Aunt when I was 7 years old and I LOVED my little nephew beyond reason!
I was babysitting at the age of 13 and became a live-in nanny at 19. I worked at camps and took babysitting courses and I always thought, without a doubt, that I would have a family of my own.
I even did my undergrad in Education, majoring in Child Studies, then worked with young children in pre-school and daycare settings for 20 years! I became a children’s yoga teacher, a children and youth ministry leader and then we go and launch DragonBunny Books and write a children’s book!
Clearly, there is something very compelling for me about children. Dragon and I always laugh because when children spot us, they can tell that we are their people. Just last night we were in a restaurant and a young family walked in. The youngest started moving her Incredible Hulk figurine in our direction to engage us. “We’ve been spotted - they are onto us” we laugh. We get kids. We know their language, their world … Dragon has been working and volunteering in schools, daycares, camps and pools for twenty years too,
You get the picture.
We met in the classroom, we bonded over lesson plans, fun songs, art projects and endearing teaching moments. But despite all this…. We don’t have children of own…
For starters, despite being married and intimate and sharing the same bed, we aren’t biologically capable of conceiving which we have come to learn is accountable for a large number of pregnancies. You will never hear the words “Oops! We’re pregnant!” from our mouths.
In fact, for us to get pregnant would be a complicated process where only one of us would be the biological parent meaning we couldn’t share this experience fully and that’s not how we roll.
And as for adoption…. Well read on and you will learn more
Because we know ALLLLLLL about kids (the good, the bad and the ugly) we are also highly equipped to weigh the options. Of course, we have dreamed of having our own child: of the post bath, clean toddler, smelling like baby powder, waddling around in a onesie with damp curls and cooing like a dove …. But then there’s the flip side…. The endless activities, their relentless emotional needs, the financial strain, and the very fact that we would have to radically alter our lives and schedules, both professional and personal.
There are a lot of people on the planet. The world doesn’t need another one from us. It gives us some consolation that we have never put diapers in landfill, no plastic toys, no endless stream of gifts and clothes and food and disposable everything that human life demands.
Honestly, we don’t think we would be very good at it. We think we would probably freak out, be too anxious. Speaking for myself only now because Dragon is a much better person than me, I’m too selfish and I don’t want to give up the freedom of being child free.
Don’t get me wrong. There is a flip side to everything. Not having children means we are not going to experience the depth of love of being parents. We have to mourn this decision as well as to celebrate it. I do look longingly at babies wrapped up in strollers being pushed by proud parents. They radiate love and comfort and all good things.
We are able to express our maternal instincts and nurturance to our fur family - who we adore and lavish with the attention, care and devotion of parents.
Plus we love all of the children in our lives including our nieces and nephews, god children and students from all walks of life.
We are fulfilled
Our relationship is fulfilling, our life is rich and we are not really wanting for anything.
I don’t have an unquenchable thirst or insatiable desire to be a parent - only a fleeting thought.
I sometimes feel a slight ache in my heart that I won’t ever know this kind of love, but I know the love that I have been blessed with and it feels me with inexplicable joy.
So there you have it, 5 reasons we don’t have kids. That is, why we don’t have kids right now.
Who knows? We might wake up tomorrow with a whole new longing.
We’re open to that! But until then, this is it…